Do you have communication problems?

Several weeks back I had watched a mother and daughter seek help from Dr. Phil in his show. They were having communication difficulties and wanted a resolution to their relationship. When they first arrived, the two women were already involved in a heated discussion, which ended with the daughter accusing the mother of treating her like a child and the mother telling her daughter that she needed an attitude adjustment.

Needless to say, I thought Dr. Phil didn't really need to do a relationship chart to understand what was going on. Within just a few moments of listening to their conversation, it was obvious that there was a serious lack of effective communication between them. So, in addition to giving them an advice, Dr. Phil spent time sharing ways they might communicate more openly and respectfully. Most of us run into communication problems every now and then, and it never hurts to review how we can communicate better.

In this case of a mother/daughter, Dr. Phil asked them to consider their tone and the clarity of their messages to one another as well as the vibe they were giving off. He wanted them to think about what they wanted to say before actually saying it. For example, instead of the mother saying, "What do you mean by that?" she could rephrase that thought with, "Can you repeat what you just said. I am not sure I understood it all." And instead of her daughter replying, "Just forget about it, you never listen," the daughter could say, "Is there a particular part you aren't sure about or should I just start over?"

He also advised them to consider the best time to approach heavier or more sensitive subjects. For example, if you need to bring up a touchy subject, pick a time when all parties involved are able to give their full attention to the topic. Creating appropriate time and space for important communications is a necessary step. For example, talking over a cup of tea will certainly produce better results than a rushed conversation during a hectic day.

The last point, he coached the mother and daughter on was to listen to one another without interrupting. Finishing someone's sentence or breaking into the middle of their statement with a counterargument can be extremely frustrating and cause even a minor communication to escalate into a nasty exchange. At the end of the show, both mother and daughter agreed they had work to do. And Dr. Phil is happy to report that they have apparently made progress on their communication skills.

A little patience along with a willingness to listen and plan for important discussions can go a long way toward improving communication and building closer ties. We can all stand a little help at this every now and then. Enjoy your week everyone and let us all contemplate this Holy Week.